this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize