I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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