Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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