I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize