I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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