help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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