I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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