I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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