i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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