So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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