So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize