Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize