no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
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i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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