I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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