It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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