So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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