I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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