That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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