i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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