i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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