I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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