I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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