It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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