Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize