Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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