Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My ass is underappreciated
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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