I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize