Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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