There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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