I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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