Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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