Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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