Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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