I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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