So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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