remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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