Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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