threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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