its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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