Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize