god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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