My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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