so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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