she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize