guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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