I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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