never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should frame my arrest warrant.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize