This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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