Cold hands, warm shart.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize