I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize